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[08 Jul 2009|08:22pm] |
何でまだ生きてるわけなんて
無いかな。。。
もう限界です．
自殺か?
うれしく何て無いナー。
おわり
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| A few things |
[15 Jun 2009|02:56am] |
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mood |
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 hmph |
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music |
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By the way - RHCP Organic Soundball Promo |
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Please quote me on this:
"The truth is what people seek" (Talal, 2009)
:D We wouldn't really know about radiowaves unless some people who were interested really took the effort in seeking the 'truth' behind it. Our schema is limited to things that we believe to have significance, or have to be researched on/studied. But then again, there are accidental discoveries, which make life more interesting. <3 But people still seek the truths in these accidental discoveries, which strengthens my argument.
That, and I believe in Aliens.
and how badass Flea's bass is <3
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| Stagnancy and building up on flab |
[03 Jun 2009|02:10am] |
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mood |
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 phuck. |
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music |
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aircon noise |
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OK, so most people may already know that I really haven't graduated from school yet. not just yet. i still have one last thing to do. and yes, my parents have been lying about it, and are forcing me to lie about it, so if you've been told about my having graduated, please, just don't utter a word to any other soul about the fuckin topic so we can all get over with it.
hm. I'm so ugh.. i don't know... angry(?) right now. whoa. delayed teenage angst. (It actually feels a lot more worse to be more mature during my adolescence and immature right now)I'm angry. Angry that my cell phone is lost (and I don't always have load, and that no one bothers to text me except if it's to send a viral quote or to ask something of me). I'm angry that I haven't graduated yet, and haven't been doing anything to remedy my sad, sad status (but I am processing my enrollment!) I'm also angry, because I have nightly colds and I cry in the bathroom during days that I have to go back to school. That school has officially traumatized me, and believe me, the only other thing that makes me this scared is irrational mystery (one of my greatest fears. there, i said it. you can scare the hell out of me now.)
And I'm angry because I don't have a job. yet. I'm planning to work part-time in a call center, just like how most students have been doing in this side of the modern American empire. I'm going to prove that I can still generate income for the overhead expenses of this household despite still being a student. I mean, I only have one godforsaken subject left, and I don't even have a regular schedule for it. I just have to gather the guts and to plan ahead on seeing my adviser, who may be the kindest one out there. I still can't fathom how she can stand such a lazy and stupid student like me.
It is only at this point in my non-playtime life that I have felt this stupid and, well, average. I know, such a bitch thinking how high and mighty I am, but yeah, that was the only way I'd have confidence in myself - by thinking high of myself. And now, that has changed - I have turned into a pseudo-emo, pessimistic, Nihilism fanatic. And I can never be more lower in the self-confidence scale. I'm 1/1000 of a millimeter.
My mother says that THIS little misfortune in life is just an appetizer compared to the randomness and harshness of the real world. of the real life. I know that, because I've already experienced the other harsh events. Exactly how many of these would a human endure in a lifetime? I guess the figure will depend on how one would handle them situations. Ooh. It's like being in a movie. Everyone's life is a movie.
Speaking of movies, I think I want to be a writer. A scriptwriter. I like thinking up of witty lines. Like this one time, a neighbor told mama that she looked younger than my sister and me. When it was just the three of us, I blurted out "Do I look 80?". My sister loved it. Mama felt offended, but of course, she knew it was a joke. The cute little thing she is. I love mama. she's so cute. And it's no wonder that my parents have been really loving despite all the squabbles over money and morals (they're very different hahaha) - They're such a cute couple. It saddens me that everytime they talk about me, all they remember is how miserable I am now, and how I should be applying for another course as we spoke.
Please, I have had enough of school as of the moment. I have enough of classmates doing nothing but sucking up to their professors just to fuckin graduate on time. Curses.
I am actually kind of hating how I've been very... uhm, martyr-like during the last semester, especially to some of my academic groups. I was used to waking up the whole morn-night just to finish some collateral output for our projects. We all brainstorm for ideas, and hopefully develop it, then I do the 'hard copy'. And sometimes, they wouldn't even give credit to my ideas. I fuckin hate them that way. but since they're really cooperative and grateful to my waking-up-all-night capabilities, I guess they're pretty fine. I just hope they won't be such asses at work. They'd be murdered.
Ugh, enough with the reminiscing. So, to reiterate, I'm angry. Oh, wait. I'm angry because I have a lot of pimples. I'm angry, because I'm getting flabbier by the second. I'm angry because I can't possibly marry Ewan McGregor, let alone meet him in person. I'm angry, because I'm not a supermodel. I'm angry, because I'm not a genius like Einstein and his faggot of a colleague among the ranks of the unreachable geniuses, Leonardo Da Vinci. I'm angry, because the printer and our PC's RAM are not cooperating to their boss's demands. I'm angry because no one really cared.
I'm angry because you're probably not planning to read all of what I typed up there, and you may have just scrolled down here to get the 'gist' of my entry.
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| all gone |
[23 Mar 2009|11:31pm] |
hi people
idk if someone's still reading my blog. but let me just do some purging of my little, insignificant, soul, tainted by all of society's ills and anon's moral corruptions.
I HAVE LOST HOPE IN HUMANITY
ALL OF IT
hindi ako emo. I have surpassed that. hindi na siya ganun ka-individual eh. It's more of actually looking at how people have become scums of the earth, how people have been fooling themselves in creating goals for individuals, that actually just promote consumerism and give more capital for the greedy. lam niyo yung. wla na. ang tao ay... shit. ang tao, sa pagkakaroon ng ganitong klasing consciousness, has forgotten how to live in the most basic sense, and is now pulling off one viral video for product promotion after another. I don't think humans would still be capable of actually enjoying the simple things in life any longer. We are all bombarded by all the bull on earth, amplified by faster communication and interaction without boundaries. We have been emotionally, socially, psychologically or even physically killing each other, especially through the internet.
The internet is a breeding ground of all that will ruin mankind. But at the same time, you can find the kindest, vigilant people even in the most morally-corrupt of forums.
Basta, life has become quite pointless after seeing the limit of human beings. and I, being human, am well aware that I am one of these creatures. Everything now is a crystal clear picture of how we are just fooling ourselves, creating new needs, new industries. And what the fuck is social science and the government? The only things that truly exist are those that are physically observable. (well, behavior is physically observable, and even cognition can be subliminally detected through actions). I hate thise fucked up planet, which creates more problems than solutions!
kelangan ko na gawin yung project ko
/rant
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| If I phail |
[25 Aug 2008|11:05pm] |
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mood |
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I hate meself. |
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in life, then that'd be the end. hahah.
And, I'm currently phaaailing. ugh. Someone please recruit me into an emergency team of assassins or something!
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| Writer's Block: The Bad Habit |
[28 Jun 2008|01:04am] |
Kuba ako. now en poreber. also, the habit of sleeping while reading long texts. hahaha
ambadkokasindiakonagbabasangjournalsngiba.badako.badako.hahahhah.
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| iba't ibang thoughts |
[23 Jun 2008|10:53pm] |
gusto ko maging NKW. ayon sa aming cute na teacher, si Ma'am vaquer, isang Nomadic Knowledge Worker. waw. deep. gusto kong lumibot sa buong mundo at malaman ang mga bagay-bagay, at tumulong sa mga nangangailangan, in response to what I will learn.
:D
and. I have just been set free from hiding for years. from something I didn't own up to. But in the end, all is well, nothing was lost. Just the burden of keeping IT for myself (and with a few friends) for a long frikkin time. Thanks, Lord. hhahaha. Pwede na ko mamatay.
Tapos, sana pala ay mamatay na lahat ng corrupt officials sa mundo, or anyone with power na sobrang inaabuso ito. dahil feeling sila, and they deserve to die after indirectly killing more than half of the world's population. Hindi ito activist rant. just a thought. they don't deserve to live, not even to breathe the same air we do. hahahhaha! eeeevooool!!!
mejo baliw at random ito, pero botohin niyo na si Ping Lacson pag nag-candidate siya sa Presidential Elections a? para maglaho na ang majority ng mga corrupt officials dito sa pinas. At nang mag-weaken ang ating National Mafia Organization, a.k.a. Philippine government.
naiinis ako sa mga batang feeling matanda na at nagsusuot na ng make up at the age of ten. they suck commercialism. hhaahahhah. i hate them, because I used to like to be one of them. then i realized, that being a DORK all my childhood was the right path. All hail the DORKS!!!
Dorks are trained better psychologically and communication-wise. Before engaging into conversation, we analyze what could happen if we say this or that, to prevent humiliation (because we're too paranoid).. we also experience more hurt than most other "campus classes" (i.e. the populars, the 'leaders', the burn-outs, etc), thus making us very much used to all the 'pain and suffering' normally experienced by single men during their mid-life crisis.
we're advanced in that sense. But 'hurt' and 'loneliness' being normal can also make us think that it would also be normal to other people. hahahah
and also, stereotypical as it may seem, we are sort of, uhm, better in academics. So most of the dorks end up as either intellectual maniacs (scientists, pioneers, artists, etc) or big-time CEO's! (or... fucked-up suicidal philosophers)
I love writing! I wish to write more, but in a less technical sense. I'm quite tired of writing too formally in my subjects. Although, working for a research firm and conducting case or investigative studies on organizational behavior, advertising techniques, and market preference will definitely be a plus point in my life. Maybe another reason for me to stop thinking suicide methods. :D
I love the world, but I love myself more! <3
Ingat kayung lahat!
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[30 May 2008|06:48pm] |
i just realized that i have been a slave to the western line of thought - to be consumerist and to be an individualist to the extent of apathy. i hate it. I just also realized that NCR has the least culture left in the younger generations. These are all revealed at the CEGP Conference/Congress in Davao.
I realized that art or any other medium, is not just used to express one's explosive magnitude of emotion, but to also help others realize that there is a problem in society. I know, it's a very petty thought, but yeah, I just realized that now, despite having drawn propaganda images for the student publication for . ugh.
I also realized that I'm really an asshole in communication, so I don't deserve a degree from my current course. But yeah, too late for that now. Already an incoming fourth year shtudant. ugh.
The lifestyle of today's middle class generation is so... un-Filipino, and I hate it. It's imitating America. like every other country without an economic stronghold does.
The Lumad people are so-called 'indigenous people' living in the Cotabato and the Compostela Valley area. They were driven away from their ancestral lands by force by the military, because their land was rich with gold. The military, the dirty-worker of the government, 'guards' the land for foreign investors to molest and take as their own. Why won't they dig in their own country, you know, if they have IP's there, maybe they can kill them too. Is it a capitalism trend to kill people just to drive them away from lands in their possession for more than a hundred years? Then I guess it's just as rampant as the tamagochi trend back then.
I hope people who have the talent in any form of art would somehow, even for just a bit, stop thinking about their self-gratification through the effective and aesthetically-pleasing expression of individualistic feelings. Start using those brains for a bigger cause. Don't let the 75% of the Philippine population (farmers, workers not yet included) get oppressed any longer. The government needs to be aware that we have to learn to stand on our own, economy-wise. ugh. so saaaaad. I know we can do it. I know that I'm no authority in economics, but i hope that by just limiting the imports we receive from richer countries, or by prioritizing Filipinos in availing our natural resources, we could somehow stabilize our 'saging' economy.
=====================================
that was a random 'tibak' rant from yours truly. I really don't have any organization in mind - that was just an explosion of thoughts... maybe opinions. Yours are welcome at the comments section :D LOVE!
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| apple bottoms jeans |
[12 May 2008|08:36pm] |
jean boots with the fur (with the fur!)
the whole club looking at her!
niweis. Sabi kasi ni ate, "100 liters of tears". Wala lang. natawa ako.
sinabi niya rin dati "One Million Dollar Baby". WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA...
Tapos may nakilala akong 2nd degree cousin ko sa papa side, na mahilig pala siya sa anime, at apparently, we went to the same con two times nah. hahahaha. and we had no idea na may kamag-anak kaming naglu-lurk dun.
Tapos, bukas na last day ng OJT ko. Oh love. <3
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| I'm a liar |
[25 Apr 2008|09:45pm] |
I realized that I can't lie verbally (the guilt and all), but hell I can frikkin lie through my actions!
I've been lying my whole life.
hahah..
for example, I'm supposed to be a progressive student, fighting for utilitarian causes, but
I'm actually a liberal emofag.
Yes, that's right. I know the issues and all. But I don't frikkin move. I can't move. I don't have the will to move.
And if I move, it's because of some other capitalist country's fad.
I even speak in con(y)otic English when thinking.
What the hell is 'progresibo' with that?
I don't even tell my close friends the truth about what's happening in our country.
so now, I'm declaring that I can't make commitments with activism. I suck. I can suck bullets too. ugh. I hate it. it's too late for that.
I even study frikkin Japanese? I'm still not doing stuff for the UPM centennial portfolio? I don't write articles! I haven't transcribed my assignment for Kule!
Maybe I took the commitment to progressive causes as a joke. Kahit na ilang beses ako mag-e.d., parang walang nangyayari. I have the same ellitist views. What's happening?
Looks like no one can smear that selfish mentality I've had in years.
I am sooo. selfish.
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| I have a... |
[08 Apr 2008|10:02pm] |
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mood |
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 KRAS! |
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kras.
on a faggity fag.
joke.
but i really have a kras.
a KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!
AAAAAA KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!
:3 weeee!!! i kras heeem!
wahahahhahh!
Lovely, I'm with my father and sister right now. this is a pretty rare moment. <3
=============
I know you
I've walked with you
once upon a dream!
I know you
the gleam in your eyes
is so
familiar agleam
but i know it's true
that visions are seldom what they seem!!!
but if i know you!
I know what you'll do!
You'll love me at once, the way you did once
upon a dream
<3
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| obsessed with |
[22 Mar 2008|01:44am] |
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mood |
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 2am and still typing |
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music |
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ichirin no hana - high and mighty color |
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human complexity.
yes, i am currently obsessed with the randomness of every human encounter (or internalization).
and, the randomness of having an utterly unacceptable crush on someone. and that's a strong crush at that. and i hate it, because, like i said, it's utterly unacceptable.
and being with that person makes me think about how weird my tastes are. hahah
pin knows this. haha. and i hate it. i hate the fact that ...
shinseki ni natta nante.
there. i said it.
now i ask, why? why of all situations, this?
I'm really not good at english today. hahahah. I've ran out of English after comparing it with German.
Oh, and yeah, i think i'm kind of obsessed in learning languages now. now, i'm learning german alongside Japanese. but i think i have to also relearn Spanish. it be an asset.
From Eroica with love is also one of the best manga i've read in terms of excitement (not psychological/ philosophical issues) :D love Major Klaus!
I think that's exactly why i wanted to learn German.
Ich werde schlafen! :D Auf wiedersehen! :D Guten nacht!
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[14 Jan 2008|11:10pm] |
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 ugh |
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music |
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wala |
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i would like to tell everyone that i'm such a wretch that i hate myself and i'm beginning to think that it would've been better if i started college at the age of 12. i wish i was a genius. hahah.
i also think that it would've been better if i studied harder these past years. imagine the joy it would have brought my parents.
but
I'd rather be a mediocre dumb ass than be an overly-pressured topnotcher. i hate pressure.
that's exactly why i don't tell my parents any clue about how i do in school - which is usually so-so.
i really hate how they tend to blow things out of proportion.
in the end, i didn't have a choice
because I AM a mediocre dumb ass, and being a topnotcher is out of the question.
It's nice to imagine one's own triumph over insecurities.
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| what. |
[09 Jan 2008|11:46pm] |
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mood |
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 nodame is love. |
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music |
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wala eh. |
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haha. lately, i've been thinking about how boring my life has been. boring in relation to supernatural happenings and RPG-ish adventures.
i have actually been thinking that maybe that's why people tend to love, because life is boring if you just live everyday without excitement. but if someone wouldn't be able to have such feelings, then he must be the busiest person in the world. even haggard college students have their craving for a little excitement in life.
and frankly, i may be one of them. just watching more shoujo anime (targeted to girl audiences, usually love stories), i have suddenly realized that i also want to experience my own version of a shoujo anime. Another symptom is that i bought an obsolete copy of shoujo beat that contained a few such stories in manga format. fuuuuck. and i usually buy shounen jump. T_T
could this be... what?
but then again, i have sort of pledged to myself that i can't fall in love yet. YET. haha. there are so much things to be busy with. maybe i should just face them with the same overacting enthusiasm anime characters have towards cooking, baseball, and even microbes.
I have never thought that being overexposed to so much excitement all my life will lead to my numbness to simple, everyday things that most people label as 'inspirational'.
Life has been sucked out of me. I want superpowers.
=======================================================================================
それに、自分に約束をしたんだ。ほかのだれかを愛する前に、
私の本の気持ちを
はっきりに
伝えます。きっと伝えられるわよ。
でも、今やちょっと。。。まだはずかしいので
ちゃんと待って。。。ね？
アマテラス様。
無事になりますように。
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| Merry Christmas to all! |
[21 Dec 2007|09:59pm] |
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mood |
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 relief !!! |
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yey! it's been a long time since i've posted anything on the net. well, lately, i've become sort of ... uhm, addicted to gaming again, this time, with the Sims (2). so there, instead of spending the first days of my christmas vacation surfing the net till morning, i ended up spending hours and hours in front of the pc, rearing virtual characters.
the reason for this addiction? uh, one of the characters is sasuke. yash.
anyways, i've also just finished watching lucky star. at first, i thought it was one of those uber pa-cute anime, but in the end, it was so funny, and i could almost say that it's very good. the impression it gave me is exactly the same when i watched haruhi. i think both were animated by the same staff... no wonder. that's also why we're burning a copy for the anime addict that lent us haruhi.
the type of anime that i like nowadays... the one that acknowledges the eccentricity of anime culture. just like zetsubou sensei.
um.. i have nothing worthy to write anyways. just thanks to everyone who made my pre-vacation days happy. omg. i have totally lost my touch with words. sorry.
nothing more to expect here. but i;m really looking forward to seeing everyone on the 27th!
>< hug!~
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
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| Me BDAY! |
[23 Sep 2007|03:14am] |
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mood |
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ah, life! :) |
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music |
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nuthn |
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WE HAD AN APPLE BIRTHDAY LUNCH! hahah!
I bought 5 sanfo apple thingies and 2 bottles of Tropicana Twister Apple Juice.
kumain kami, pero, marami pala sa ming me braces, so mejo nahirapan silang kumagat dun sa mga matitigas na parts. hahaha. malas.
malas ko rin, kasi ako umubos nung halos lahat ng natirang apples. buti na lang peborit proot ko yun!
=============================================================
Meanwhile, pag-uwi ko, nagsimba kami ng 7pm, tapos kumain kami sa isang singaporean resto somewhere in the fort area. hahah. kasama si mama, ate, nanay, tito arnold, moe, kels, tita tess, and kuya joseph....
tapos, naglakad-lakad kami...
and i saw cosplayers in the area
i asked them kung anong kino-cosplay nila. kala ko high school sila eh.
they were cosplaying togainu no chi, which is, by the way, some yaoi game that i can't handle. fragile po ako, and i don't understand why girls find yaoi fun.
so yun na nga, tinanong ko school nila. yung kinausap ko, tiga-CSB, so college na pala.
tapos nakita ko ang isang ... vaguely familiar face. tinanong ko kung tiga-anong skul mga yun. UPD. Tinanong ko kung siya ba si... Jin Hoson? sobrang di ako sure. so parang napaka-uncertain ng tone ko. tapos siya nga.
OMG. hahaha. look at who i bumped into. ><
i was such an ugly fan girl then. i really looked stupid. for those who don't know anything about Jin, she just happened to be one of the more famous names in Philippine Cosplay, at least,that's what i know. My knees were shaking. i was in awe *correct me grammar!*. she looked like a kid. her face was so small. hahaha. i didn't expect it to be that small, but yeah, it was small.
so, we took a picture - i was stupidly smiling amidst their serious, in-character faces.
( See my stupidity )
I had a fun time with everyone! Thanks, te kels, Moe, and tita tess for celebrating with us! >
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| みんあわたしのことをわすれますように! |
[18 Sep 2007|01:43am] |
ごご、チングおねえさんとはなしました。
かみさまにシンがありますことについて。
"かみさまのことをぜんぜんきこえないひとたちには、
どういううんめいがありますか"とききました。
アフリカのじんこうはほとんどバガンとかアニミストじゃない?
かみさまのことをきいてないかもしらない。
じゃ、そのトライブのひとたち、いいひとになったのに、
じごくへ?
どういうせいぎなの?いままでわからねえ..。
ちょっと
しぬきが
もどりますわね。
ますますしにたくなるかなあ~って
でもね
あたしのしなんて
かみさまがきめること。
かみさまには、じしんがあります。
================================
それでいのり:
かみさま、このわたしはぜんぶ
あなたのものです。
ころしたければ、ころす。
もっといのちをのびたければ、いきさせて。
あなたがきめることでしょう。
ずっとまえからぜつぼうしたわ。
わたしには
いきれことなんて
とくべつことなんてない。
ただ
いきてる。そんざいしてる。たいしたものじゃない。
Why did I write in Japanese when I'll post this publicly?
Or rather, why did I bother posting it even if no one would probably understand?
さあ
こたえは かみさまに
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