Nagaremono

How to get a mile closer to Ewan McGregor

2009-10-31T13:35:20Z

Hey guise

You may already know how obsessed I am with this dashing Scot, sometimes referred to by fans as "walking sex". And I have to admit, I've gone overboard. It's like falling in love with someone within feasible, physical reach. It's freaking me out.

So I thought about how random the world can be, and how the most mundane of lives can surprisingly take that 180 degree turn to total realization of one's wildest dreams. I mean, it shouldn't really hurt if I try making a 5-45 degree turn myself, right?

So I've been thinking... I want to meet this guy, irl. And seeing that I have no star potential, I have been thinking about getting somewhere near - behind the scenes. I'm seriously considering becoming a writer. Maybe a novelist, whose story would one day catch the eyes of producers and eventually presented with an on-screen adaptation. (read: Stephenie Meyer. Admit it, the novel wasn't much, but she hit the jackpot! Maybe I can, too...someday)

Another path would be becoming a scriptwriter.

I really don't know if I can be a good writer, but some of my friends think that I have potential. Thanks for the encouragement! :)

I'm planning to write a script that would ascertain Ewan's participation in the cast. I have just one idea to date. I won't be posting, though... other Ewan fans may race past me with this idea (I'm not the most hard-working and dedicated writer, yeah).

I envy his wife so much, it's turning into rage. Not healthy.

This idea has kind of given me a little hope, bordering to self-ridicule and amusement.

Would it be noteworthy if I said I typed all of this with just my left hand?

: []

2009-10-23T15:46:24Z

I'm a mixture of happiness and sadness and lack of the ability to a...
articulate.
that's the word.

But for now, I'm mostly happy but dominantly sad, as in, in general.

I have to do my thesis!!! ^^

azmonster @ 2009-10-17T15:26:00

2009-10-17T07:33:42Z

I had a dream about being in this very vast propoerty, trying to escape with several people, apparently from a big loch ness monster... then we had to go through a medieval orchard with a lot of statues that came to life when we passed by them and tried to hinder our escape

then we went into this floating cave labyrinth thing (ala-Disney's Atlantis) where there were a lot of etchings on the wall, and where supposedly we have something important to retrieve from...

then we went into this carriage thing that still wasn't mobile, but eventually became usable.. we carted our way to a white-washed resort-like building full of mafias who were spontaneously making affairs and killing each other. I got hold of a gun and joined in their shootout

then they were actually in charge of this grocery on the same floor, and this black security guard was always tracking us down, and we had to climb up the shelves and blend with the boxes' shapes just to hide from them... The tall security man was working with some Gary Coleman-looking guy...

Everything else that has happened after that was a blur, but I remember being able to escape from that weird place alive and kissing a little baby goodnight (after turning a night light on).

fukken weird but I loved every second of that action-fantasy dream!

Lol I made a tumblr

2009-10-17T07:14:21Z

the format and the dashboard were so convenient, I decided to go on with it. something like a more impersonal blog ^^

http://bagoongcandy.tumblr.com/

^^

MASH game

2009-09-16T07:33:42Z

got this from gurololi



		I will marry kanon.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in germany in our fabulous Mansion.
		We will have 2 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a beige lancer.
		I will spend my days as a artist, and live happily ever after.

The Kanon part was all i needed XD

There seems to be a plan for me, eh

2009-09-16T07:15:40Z

hello there. as of today, i am currently technologically powerless. and by that, i mean i have no more of my resources. no more free internet. no more unlimited messaging. now i have to pay for using internet in an internet cafe, and it's not the least comfortable, as suspicious people keep on dropping by this store and this keyboard sucks ass. typing on this keyboard makes typewriters look up to date.

so there, my laptop's dead, and so is my pc, and my cell phone is nurturing a virus, making it reaaaaally slow.

and im listening to anime radio because i have no music to listen to. on second thought, i think i'd rather listen to some youtube playllist now.

Hi. I is a poet!

2009-08-31T20:46:47Z

XD

hello. May I update you that I am emo no longer. No longer. For I want to live the rest of what's left of my years in an un-emofied fashion.

Here. I have some poems for you. It has been AGES since I last wrote any sort of poetry. I missed it so much that when I stumbled upon this site:http://www.writerhymes.com/, I was lured more than compelled to write again.

I love writing. It's like drawing. :)

So here. I know they're not much, but please enjoy :)

======================================
Enigma

my eyes hurt
my love burnt
my chest hollow
my energy shallow

======================================

Truth be told
I am not
what I always thought I ought
to be
Lazy, perverted
and mundane
Here I am
take me or abstain.

=====================================

Necks have a stubborn manner
to succumb and bend to their masters -
The head
The pain
And the sleepy owner.

=====================================

lailailailaaaii~ poetry. it's almost 5 am. I MUST sleep!

I love you, KANON.

azmonster @ 2009-07-30T08:23:00

2009-07-30T15:34:58Z

http://tnoj.sakura.ne.jp/product/03luckydog1/charactor/index.html

what the hell is this?

I saw this title (Lucky Dog1) while I was browsing cosplays from Cure.

I was then puzzled by this prisoner costume (black and white horizontal stripes)...
So I checked out the title and everything. It turned out to be a BL game about Mafia people going to prison and doing IT to one another. And surprisingly, their ages ranged from 24-31. The BL industry must be targetting a more mature fanbase...

Anyways, I listened to the sample voiceovers they had on the site...

I'm not sure why I did. Some statements were disgusting... But what do you expect from a BL game?

I don't think this game will be as famous as Togainu no Chi! The drawings are not at par with their greatness! ahhahahahahaha

yun Lang. For the record Lang. I'm just recording when I have discovered this para I can laugh at people who will be fan girls months later. stupid? Yeah ikr!!!

azmonster @ 2009-07-22T00:43:00

2009-07-21T16:48:40Z

what

hahahaha

I still don't know what to do with my life.

I just did my first tutoring of some Korean teenagers. Ainiku, they were both boys, which was quite awkward. But they listened very well and tried their best in getting my lesson.

I think I want to teach. It's so fulfilling.

But I know that I'm not capable of being a professional teacher. It's just not my style to be so conforming of rules and lesson plans.

I had a spontaneous 2-hour tutoring session with them.
at chaikofi.
while i was drinking super strong espresso.

hahaha..

I like them both. They both seem determined!

oh the joy of learning! That's the only thing that has kept me motivated to live up to now...

then after school, I don't know what I'm here for.

Maybe it was subliminal for me to extend my school days. lol.

色々の考え

2009-07-20T19:09:46Z

あたし最近色々なことを考えていたんだ

どんな将来があるとか
どんな専門が出来るとか
ほとんどは人生について考えなんだ．

じつは

なんと言えばいいかなー

私はもうこんなに世界が見えたから
もう大歳な漢字がします。
もう死ねばいい漢字と同じだね。

だっていっぱい経験できたり
色々なことが出来たり
何とかもう疲れた漢字のようです．

働くことがなぞいてるけど

結婚も

子供を出来ることも

ヤッパまだ早いわね死ぬ事．

人類のプログレスを見たいです．
それ以外ここから離れてもいいから。

あらまた空っぽな漢字…

迷惑させてごめんね

The movie that made me cry so much in public

2009-07-10T15:43:46Z

is Memories of Matsuko.

I love movies hahah

それにあの人の事はヤッパまだ好きなの!

去年のクラスで出会った人だ．格好はよくて顔もかわいし!

性格も好きだし!!!
まるでかんぺきなひとだ！
勉強は…ま、いいか!

結婚しようよ～

azmonster @ 2009-07-08T20:22:00

2009-07-08T12:40:26Z

何でまだ生きてるわけなんて
無いかな。。。

もう限界です．

自殺か?

うれしく何て無いナー。

おわり

A few things

2009-06-14T19:02:47Z

Please quote me on this:

"The truth is what people seek" (Talal, 2009)

:D We wouldn't really know about radiowaves unless some people who were interested really took the effort in seeking the 'truth' behind it. Our schema is limited to things that we believe to have significance, or have to be researched on/studied. But then again, there are accidental discoveries, which make life more interesting. <3 But people still seek the truths in these accidental discoveries, which strengthens my argument.

That, and I believe in Aliens.

and how badass Flea's bass is <3

Stagnancy and building up on flab

2009-06-02T18:52:17Z

OK, so most people may already know that I really haven't graduated from school yet. not just yet. i still have one last thing to do. and yes, my parents have been lying about it, and are forcing me to lie about it, so if you've been told about my having graduated, please, just don't utter a word to any other soul about the fuckin topic so we can all get over with it.

hm. I'm so ugh.. i don't know... angry(?) right now. whoa. delayed teenage angst. (It actually feels a lot more worse to be more mature during my adolescence and immature right now)I'm angry. Angry that my cell phone is lost (and I don't always have load, and that no one bothers to text me except if it's to send a viral quote or to ask something of me). I'm angry that I haven't graduated yet, and haven't been doing anything to remedy my sad, sad status (but I am processing my enrollment!) I'm also angry, because I have nightly colds and I cry in the bathroom during days that I have to go back to school. That school has officially traumatized me, and believe me, the only other thing that makes me this scared is irrational mystery (one of my greatest fears. there, i said it. you can scare the hell out of me now.)

And I'm angry because I don't have a job. yet. I'm planning to work part-time in a call center, just like how most students have been doing in this side of the modern American empire. I'm going to prove that I can still generate income for the overhead expenses of this household despite still being a student. I mean, I only have one godforsaken subject left, and I don't even have a regular schedule for it. I just have to gather the guts and to plan ahead on seeing my adviser, who may be the kindest one out there. I still can't fathom how she can stand such a lazy and stupid student like me.

It is only at this point in my non-playtime life that I have felt this stupid and, well, average. I know, such a bitch thinking how high and mighty I am, but yeah, that was the only way I'd have confidence in myself - by thinking high of myself. And now, that has changed - I have turned into a pseudo-emo, pessimistic, Nihilism fanatic. And I can never be more lower in the self-confidence scale. I'm 1/1000 of a millimeter.

My mother says that THIS little misfortune in life is just an appetizer compared to the randomness and harshness of the real world. of the real life. I know that, because I've already experienced the other harsh events. Exactly how many of these would a human endure in a lifetime? I guess the figure will depend on how one would handle them situations. Ooh. It's like being in a movie. Everyone's life is a movie.

Speaking of movies, I think I want to be a writer. A scriptwriter. I like thinking up of witty lines. Like this one time, a neighbor told mama that she looked younger than my sister and me. When it was just the three of us, I blurted out "Do I look 80?". My sister loved it. Mama felt offended, but of course, she knew it was a joke. The cute little thing she is. I love mama. she's so cute. And it's no wonder that my parents have been really loving despite all the squabbles over money and morals (they're very different hahaha) - They're such a cute couple. It saddens me that everytime they talk about me, all they remember is how miserable I am now, and how I should be applying for another course as we spoke.

Please, I have had enough of school as of the moment. I have enough of classmates doing nothing but sucking up to their professors just to fuckin graduate on time. Curses.

I am actually kind of hating how I've been very... uhm, martyr-like during the last semester, especially to some of my academic groups. I was used to waking up the whole morn-night just to finish some collateral output for our projects. We all brainstorm for ideas, and hopefully develop it, then I do the 'hard copy'. And sometimes, they wouldn't even give credit to my ideas. I fuckin hate them that way. but since they're really cooperative and grateful to my waking-up-all-night capabilities, I guess they're pretty fine. I just hope they won't be such asses at work. They'd be murdered.

Ugh, enough with the reminiscing. So, to reiterate, I'm angry. Oh, wait. I'm angry because I have a lot of pimples. I'm angry, because I'm getting flabbier by the second. I'm angry because I can't possibly marry Ewan McGregor, let alone meet him in person. I'm angry, because I'm not a supermodel. I'm angry, because I'm not a genius like Einstein and his faggot of a colleague among the ranks of the unreachable geniuses, Leonardo Da Vinci. I'm angry, because the printer and our PC's RAM are not cooperating to their boss's demands. I'm angry because no one really cared.

I'm angry because you're probably not planning to read all of what I typed up there, and you may have just scrolled down here to get the 'gist' of my entry.

all gone

2009-03-23T15:41:54Z

hi people

idk if someone's still reading my blog. but let me just do some purging of my little, insignificant, soul, tainted by all of society's ills and anon's moral corruptions.

I HAVE LOST HOPE IN HUMANITY

ALL OF IT

hindi ako emo. I have surpassed that. hindi na siya ganun ka-individual eh. It's more of actually looking at how people have become scums of the earth, how people have been fooling themselves in creating goals for individuals, that actually just promote consumerism and give more capital for the greedy. lam niyo yung. wla na. ang tao ay... shit. ang tao, sa pagkakaroon ng ganitong klasing consciousness, has forgotten how to live in the most basic sense, and is now pulling off one viral video for product promotion after another. I don't think humans would still be capable of actually enjoying the simple things in life any longer. We are all bombarded by all the bull on earth, amplified by faster communication and interaction without boundaries. We have been emotionally, socially, psychologically or even physically killing each other, especially through the internet.

The internet is a breeding ground of all that will ruin mankind. But at the same time, you can find the kindest, vigilant people even in the most morally-corrupt of forums.

Basta, life has become quite pointless after seeing the limit of human beings. and I, being human, am well aware that I am one of these creatures. Everything now is a crystal clear picture of how we are just fooling ourselves, creating new needs, new industries. And what the fuck is social science and the government? The only things that truly exist are those that are physically observable. (well, behavior is physically observable, and even cognition can be subliminally detected through actions). I hate thise fucked up planet, which creates more problems than solutions!

kelangan ko na gawin yung project ko

/rant

If I phail

2008-08-25T14:47:48Z

in life, then that'd be the end. hahah.

And, I'm currently phaaailing. ugh. Someone please recruit me into an emergency team of assassins or something!

Writer's Block: The Bad Habit

2008-06-27T17:08:50Z

Talk about a habit that you just cannot break.

View 500 Answers

Kuba ako. now en poreber. also, the habit of sleeping while reading long texts. hahaha

ambadkokasindiakonagbabasangjournalsngiba.badako.badako.hahahhah.

Writer's Block: Choose a Power

2008-06-25T15:07:49Z

If you could have the power to fly, be invisible, or teleport anywhere, which would you choose?

View 503 Answers

... Another galaxy where walking backwards is normal.

iba't ibang thoughts

2008-06-23T15:15:19Z

gusto ko maging NKW. ayon sa aming cute na teacher, si Ma'am vaquer, isang Nomadic Knowledge Worker. waw. deep. gusto kong lumibot sa buong mundo at malaman ang mga bagay-bagay, at tumulong sa mga nangangailangan, in response to what I will learn.

:D

and. I have just been set free from hiding for years. from something I didn't own up to. But in the end, all is well, nothing was lost. Just the burden of keeping IT for myself (and with a few friends) for a long frikkin time. Thanks, Lord. hhahaha. Pwede na ko mamatay.

Tapos, sana pala ay mamatay na lahat ng corrupt officials sa mundo, or anyone with power na sobrang inaabuso ito. dahil feeling sila, and they deserve to die after indirectly killing more than half of the world's population. Hindi ito activist rant. just a thought. they don't deserve to live, not even to breathe the same air we do. hahahhaha! eeeevooool!!!

mejo baliw at random ito, pero botohin niyo na si Ping Lacson pag nag-candidate siya sa Presidential Elections a? para maglaho na ang majority ng mga corrupt officials dito sa pinas. At nang mag-weaken ang ating National Mafia Organization, a.k.a. Philippine government.

naiinis ako sa mga batang feeling matanda na at nagsusuot na ng make up at the age of ten. they suck commercialism. hhaahahhah. i hate them, because I used to like to be one of them. then i realized, that being a DORK all my childhood was the right path. All hail the DORKS!!!

Dorks are trained better psychologically and communication-wise. Before engaging into conversation, we analyze what could happen if we say this or that, to prevent humiliation (because we're too paranoid).. we also experience more hurt than most other "campus classes" (i.e. the populars, the 'leaders', the burn-outs, etc), thus making us very much used to all the 'pain and suffering' normally experienced by single men during their mid-life crisis.
we're advanced in that sense. But 'hurt' and 'loneliness' being normal can also make us think that it would also be normal to other people. hahahah
and also, stereotypical as it may seem, we are sort of, uhm, better in academics. So most of the dorks end up as either intellectual maniacs (scientists, pioneers, artists, etc) or big-time CEO's! (or... fucked-up suicidal philosophers)

I love writing! I wish to write more, but in a less technical sense. I'm quite tired of writing too formally in my subjects. Although, working for a research firm and conducting case or investigative studies on organizational behavior, advertising techniques, and market preference will definitely be a plus point in my life. Maybe another reason for me to stop thinking suicide methods. :D

I love the world, but I love myself more! <3

Ingat kayung lahat!

Writer's Block: Passionate Eats

2008-06-23T14:55:11Z

What foods do you associate with romance or attraction?

View 500 Answers

passe(i) , cliche(i) atbp, pero I relate chocolates with romance. hahah.

azmonster @ 2008-05-30T18:48:00

2008-05-30T10:29:45Z

i just realized that i have been a slave to the western line of thought - to be consumerist and to be an individualist to the extent of apathy. i hate it. I just also realized that NCR has the least culture left in the younger generations. These are all revealed at the CEGP Conference/Congress in Davao.

I realized that art or any other medium, is not just used to express one's explosive magnitude of emotion, but to also help others realize that there is a problem in society. I know, it's a very petty thought, but yeah, I just realized that now, despite having drawn propaganda images for the student publication for . ugh.

I also realized that I'm really an asshole in communication, so I don't deserve a degree from my current course. But yeah, too late for that now. Already an incoming fourth year shtudant. ugh.

The lifestyle of today's middle class generation is so... un-Filipino, and I hate it. It's imitating America. like every other country without an economic stronghold does.

The Lumad people are so-called 'indigenous people' living in the Cotabato and the Compostela Valley area. They were driven away from their ancestral lands by force by the military, because their land was rich with gold. The military, the dirty-worker of the government, 'guards' the land for foreign investors to molest and take as their own. Why won't they dig in their own country, you know, if they have IP's there, maybe they can kill them too. Is it a capitalism trend to kill people just to drive them away from lands in their possession for more than a hundred years? Then I guess it's just as rampant as the tamagochi trend back then.

I hope people who have the talent in any form of art would somehow, even for just a bit, stop thinking about their self-gratification through the effective and aesthetically-pleasing expression of individualistic feelings. Start using those brains for a bigger cause. Don't let the 75% of the Philippine population (farmers, workers not yet included) get oppressed any longer. The government needs to be aware that we have to learn to stand on our own, economy-wise. ugh. so saaaaad. I know we can do it. I know that I'm no authority in economics, but i hope that by just limiting the imports we receive from richer countries, or by prioritizing Filipinos in availing our natural resources, we could somehow stabilize our 'saging' economy.

=====================================
that was a random 'tibak' rant from yours truly. I really don't have any organization in mind - that was just an explosion of thoughts... maybe opinions. Yours are welcome at the comments section :D LOVE!

apple bottoms jeans

2008-05-12T12:40:17Z

jean boots with the fur (with the fur!)
the whole club looking at her!

niweis. Sabi kasi ni ate, "100 liters of tears". Wala lang. natawa ako.

sinabi niya rin dati "One Million Dollar Baby". WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA...

Tapos may nakilala akong 2nd degree cousin ko sa papa side, na mahilig pala siya sa anime, at apparently, we went to the same con two times nah. hahahaha. and we had no idea na may kamag-anak kaming naglu-lurk dun.

Tapos, bukas na last day ng OJT ko. Oh love. <3

I'm a liar

2008-04-25T13:58:20Z

I realized that I can't lie verbally (the guilt and all), but hell I can frikkin lie through my actions!

I've been lying my whole life.

hahah..

for example, I'm supposed to be a progressive student, fighting for utilitarian causes, but

I'm actually a liberal emofag.

Yes, that's right. I know the issues and all. But I don't frikkin move. I can't move. I don't have the will to move.
And if I move, it's because of some other capitalist country's fad.

I even speak in con(y)otic English when thinking.

What the hell is 'progresibo' with that?

I don't even tell my close friends the truth about what's happening in our country.

so now, I'm declaring that I can't make commitments with activism. I suck. I can suck bullets too. ugh. I hate it. it's too late for that.

I even study frikkin Japanese? I'm still not doing stuff for the UPM centennial portfolio? I don't write articles! I haven't transcribed my assignment for Kule!

Maybe I took the commitment to progressive causes as a joke. Kahit na ilang beses ako mag-e.d., parang walang nangyayari. I have the same ellitist views. What's happening?

Looks like no one can smear that selfish mentality I've had in years.
I am sooo. selfish.

I have a...

2008-04-08T13:48:52Z

kras.

on a faggity fag.

joke.

but i really have a kras.

a KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!!!

AAAAAA KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!

:3 weeee!!! i kras heeem!

wahahahhahh!

Lovely, I'm with my father and sister right now. this is a pretty rare moment. <3

=============
I know you
I've walked with you
once upon a dream!

I know you
the gleam in your eyes
is so
familiar agleam
but i know it's true

that visions are seldom what they seem!!!

but if i know you!
I know what you'll do!
You'll love me at once, the way you did once
upon a dream

<3
==============

obsessed with

2008-03-21T17:56:03Z

human complexity.

yes, i am currently obsessed with the randomness of every human encounter (or internalization).

and, the randomness of having an utterly unacceptable crush on someone. and that's a strong crush at that. and i hate it, because, like i said, it's utterly unacceptable.

and being with that person makes me think about how weird my tastes are. hahah

pin knows this. haha. and i hate it. i hate the fact that ...

shinseki ni natta nante.

there. i said it.

now i ask, why? why of all situations, this?
I'm really not good at english today. hahahah. I've ran out of English after comparing it with German.

Oh, and yeah, i think i'm kind of obsessed in learning languages now. now, i'm learning german alongside Japanese. but i think i have to also relearn Spanish. it be an asset.

From Eroica with love is also one of the best manga i've read in terms of excitement (not psychological/ philosophical issues) :D love Major Klaus!

I think that's exactly why i wanted to learn German.
Ich werde schlafen! :D Auf wiedersehen! :D Guten nacht!